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Candy’s Cherry Cheesecake Martini


Candy’s Cherry Cheesecake Martini

The kids? Let THEM eat cake. This dessert is for mom.

My last TGIF drink had quite a few ingredients — and probably required a trip to the liquor store (also known as “Candy’s Second Home in Her 20s”) — so I thought I’d keep this week’s cocktail simple for you time-pressed parents:  The Cherry Cheesecake Martini, as suggested by helpful Laughing Stork lush, er… reader, Lainey, with a couple of my own twists.  I wouldn’t say it tastes like a slice of cherry cheesecake, but somehow the mixture does leave a hint of cherry in your mouth.



This is usually a shot, so I extrapolated from the shot recipe and also checked out many bartending guide sites… because that’s the kind of serious drinking professional that I am.

2 oz. Vanilla schnapps or vanilla vodka (Schnapps is apparently preferred, but I can also vouch for the yumminess of the vodka)

1-1/2 oz. Cranberry juice (As Lainey wisely notes, Cranberry Cocktail Juice is okay, but if you use any of the Cran-mixes it throws the flavor off a bit)

1/2 oz. Cream (As usual, I used two-percent milk instead; I didn’t use this at first because the original recipe did not call for it, yielding a much sweeter drink.  Then I came across a recipe with the cream and threw it in there.  Tastier, I think.)


Add all ingredients to a shaker filled with ice.  Shake it like a Polaroid picture.  Strain into martini glass.  Heck, shoot some whipped cream on there if you’re feeling cra-zay!

Here’s an artsy-fartsy shot of it (pre-cream):

Ooohhh. Aaahhh.

And here’s what the Cherry Cheesecake Martini really looks like:

I wanted to get a fun shot of the drink with a dollop of whipped cream, not realizing that Mr. Candy had pretty much kicked the can.  (He makes no fewer than five trips to the fridge every night to squirt it in his mouth.  That’s my classy guy!)  So, um, when I squirted the remains of the can into the drink, it ended up looking like this…

I know.  I KNOW.  It looks like the Ron Jeremy Special now!  Ugh.

Resembling a porn set prop and all, I’m still excited to finish the drink when Mr. Candy gets home tonight.  (Figured it might be best to wait until I’ve picked up Skye from daycare.  Those uptight teachers seem to frown on parents drinking and driving to school.  LAME.)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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