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Say It Ain’t So: Jesse James Accused of Affair with Tattoo Model

Celebrities

Say It Ain’t So: Jesse James Accused of Affair with Tattoo Model

If this is true, color me a little devastated:  A tattoo model, clearly envious of the attention lavished on Tiger Woods’ mistresses, has revealed that she has been having an 11-month affair with Mr. Sandra Bullock, Jesse James.

Oh, Jesse.

Among the excruciatingly intimate details shared by Michelle “Bombshell” McGee (her given name, I’m sure):

  • Jesse “gave Michelle the impression” that he and Sandra were separated.
  • For weeks, while Sandra was in Atlanta shooting The Blind Side, Michelle and Jesse  had sex at least once a week.
  • Michelle called Jesse, who didn’t wear underwear or condoms — SMART! — by a special pet name, Vanilla Gorilla, because he was so “well-endowed.”
  • In case you missed that:  VANILLA GORILLA!
  • Michelle met Jesse after she sent West Coast Choppers a Facebook friend request because she hoped to snag a modeling gig there.  Jesse personally responded, inviting her to hang out at his place, which led to, um, “hanging out” on the couch.
  • When Michelle asked him, ‘What’s going on with you and Sandra?’” Jesse was allegedly evasive. “He said, ‘She doesn’t live here. She has a house in Austin. She is filming, and I can’t talk about it.’”

Oh, Jesse.

The most recent development:  Sandra has pulled out of the London premiere of The Blind Side.  Translation:  Jesse is likely in deep doo-doo.

Poor Sandra.

Well, I can understand why Jesse would stray.  It’s not like he’s married to a beautiful, smart, talented, successful, gracious wom — oh, wait.

FUN CHALLENGE OF THE DAY:  Find a way to casually work “Vanilla Gorilla” into conversation!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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