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Well, I Didn’t See This One Coming: Say ‘Hi’ to Sandra Bullock’s Baby Boy

Celebrities

Well, I Didn’t See This One Coming: Say ‘Hi’ to Sandra Bullock’s Baby Boy

Okay, before you grumble “publicity stunt,” I should tell you right off the bat that this handsome little fellow was adopted back in January, before Sandra Bullock found out about Jesse James’ four-gazillion mistresses.  Yes!  A secret adoption.  So while this media firestorm and betrayal swirled around Sandra, she was privately nurturing Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy who was born in New Orleans.

"Don't you mess with my mom."

How crazy is that?

Can’t think of anything more therapeutic than that baby-yummy scent of your own child.

“He’s just perfect, I can’t even describe him any other way,” Sandra tells People magazine in finally announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis.  “It’s like he’s always been a part of our lives.”

Apparently Sandra, 45, and Jesse, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January, but decided to keep the news to themselves (their close friends and family – including Jesse’s children Sunny, 6, Jesse Jr., 12, and Chandler, 15 – were essential in keeping the adoption a secret) until after the Oscars.  And then… well, I’m pretty sure you know what happened after that.

Sandra, who has filed for divorce, is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent.  In response to her decision, Jesse told People:

“My whole life has been full of hard decisions.

“The decision to let my wife end our marriage, and continue the adoption of Louis on her own, has been the hardest. The love I have for Louis cannot be put to words. Not having him around to love and to hold has left a huge hole in my heart.

“Sandy is the love of my life, but considering the pain and devastation I have caused her, it would be selfish to not let her go. Right now it is time for me to beat this addiction that has taken two of the things I love the most in life.

“I have always taken great pride in proving people wrong. That time has come once again to show that I am not what everyone says I am. I know in my heart that I can be the best father possible to my four children, and the mate Sandy deserves, and realize that this is an incredible mountain to climb. But I believe that the steps I have taken in the last 30 days are the foundation for making this happen. The lifelong commitment I am making is what being a real husband and father is all about.

“I ask that you please do not judge Sandy for the things I have done. She has done no wrong. She played no part in any of this. She has been an amazing wife, mother, and best friend, for the over 6 years we have been together.”

Yeah, she sure has been.  Not that I, like, know Sandy, but I feel like I do.  In fact, I think we would make great friends.  That’s why I’ve been texting and calling her nonstop… so weird how her cell phone got disconnected when I started doing that!  Sandy — CALL ME!  We’ll go to Mommy and Me classes together, we’ll laugh and commiserate about how sleep-deprived we are, and I’ll shield you from the paparazzi at the park!  I just know we’re destined to be BMFF (Best Mommy Friends Forever).

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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