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Drawing Bottle Lines


Drawing Bottle Lines

As a new mama, I often turn to the most credible source in the world for parenting advice.  No!  Not Dr. Phil, silly.  I’m talking about the World Wide Web.  In all seriousness, I have gleaned some helpful info from other moms in forums and whatnot, so I would like to pay it forward by sharing my own insights and experiences every once in a while, like I did last week with my (not-so-original) sleeper blanket suggestion.  Not everyone may agree with my findings — if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that us parents tend to have VERY strong opinions about certain things, and often aren’t afraid to voice them — but all I can do is tell you what worked for us.

Today’s exciting lesson:  BOTTLES!  WOO-HOO!

Much of the parenting literature out there strikes fear in the hearts of breastfeeding mothers.  Don’t introduce the bottle too soon!  Uh-oh — now it’s too late!  Be wary of nipple confusion!  Be sure to tilt the bottle at a 45-degree angle while jumping up and down like a monkey!  I waited about a month to introduce the bottle to Miss Skye and, really, the only problem I had was the monkey jump.  I’m just not that coordinated.  Otherwise, no nipple confusion or anything of the sort.

However, Mr. Candy — who is, not surprisingly, the one who usually feeds her the bottle when I’m out doing very important things, like getting my highlights done — has informed me that Skylar DOES have a definitive bottle preference.  Although I like the Medela electric pump, the Medela BOTTLES that come with the set…?  Not so much.  Apparently, Skylar — who’s pretty adaptable — just stared at the Medela bottle looming above her mouth and asked, “Huh?”  Its nipple doesn’t mimic a breast very well, and the milk comes out faster than a shotgunned beer.  Or so Skylar tells us.

Mr. Candy switched to the Born Free bottles that I had bought and had no such problem.  She chowed down like a pro.  Now we only use the Medela bottles for storage.  I’ve also heard good things about the Breastflow bottles (again, this is probably only helpful to mamas who are nursing), but we haven’t tried them.  The Born Free bottles work for us, so if it ain’t broke, um, don’t break it!  Or something like that.

If any of you have insight to impart — about using a bottle with breastfed and/or formula-fed babies, or about shotgunning a beer — please share…!

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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