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Mother Pulls the Ol’ Steal-and-Strip Routine

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Mother Pulls the Ol’ Steal-and-Strip Routine

Here’s a Mother of the Week contender:  Police say a Wisconsin woman stripped in front of her children in an attempt to avoid arrest for shoplifting (naturally), then kicked and hocked a loogie on officers, and THEN — for the pièce de résistance — mooned other cars through a police car window.

Surprisingly, alcohol may have been involved.

Julia E. Laack, 36, was charged with felony battery of a peace officer, resisting an officer, shoplifting and two counts of disorderly conduct.

All of this… over a bag of beef jerky and a lighter.

Dear lord.  If you’re going to steal, at least make it worth your while!  Rob a bank.  Or steal your neighbor’s wireless.  Not that I, um, would ever do that.  *AHEM*

Fast forward to the police going to her home, where she complied with the arrest in a very mature fashion, refusing to come to the door, screaming at three children in her house, and then stripping to her underwear and telling the officers they couldn’t arrest her because she would be naked.

What a defense!  She missed her calling as a lawyer, this one.

The Mother of the Week struggled with the officers as they tried to arrest her, kicking one in the groin and spitting in the mouth of another.  Mmmm… secondhand Jack Daniels, Marlboro Reds and beef jerky!

The elegant behavior didn’t end there.  Oh no!  While in the squad car on the way to the police station, the complaint said, Laack exposed her butt cheeks against the police car’s rear window.  Sweet!  I guess you could say she was over the MOON about her arrest.  (I know, I know… *GONG*)

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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