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Mother of the Week So Far: Mom Suing Preschool for Not Preparing 4-Year-Old for Harvard

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Mother of the Week So Far: Mom Suing Preschool for Not Preparing 4-Year-Old for Harvard

Cute, but where's your commentary-reaction paper on Sartre, kid?

Let’s face it:  Preschoolers don’t spend nearly enough time calculating inverse functions and logarithms and fine-tuning their college admissions essays.  Which is why a Manhattan mom paid $19,000 for her four-year-old daughter’s preschool tuition, “impressed by the school’s pledge to ready its young students for the ERB, a test used for admission at top private schools” — and is now SUING that school for allowing her kid to play in a classroom with younger kids and “boring her with lessons about shapes and colors.”

For $19,000, you’d think the mom could afford to have that stick removed from her rear end.

In court papers, Nicole Imprescia suggests York Avenue Preschool jeopardized little Lucia’s chances of getting into an elite private school or, one day, the Ivy League.  She’s demanding a refund of the $19,000 tuition and class-action status for other toddlers who weren’t properly prepped for the standardized test that can mean the difference between Dalton and — gasp! — public school.

“This is about a theft where a business advertises as one thing and is actually another,” said Mathew Paulose, a lawyer for the outraged mom.  “They’re nabbing $19,000 and making a run for it.”

The court papers implied the school could have damaged Lucia’s chances of getting into a top college, citing an article that identifies preschools as the first step to “the Ivy League.”

But worry not for little Lucia!  “Lucia Imprescia, for the record, will get into an Ivy League school — York Avenue Preschool notwithstanding,” declared the lawyer.  (No pressure or anything.)  “The child is very smart and will do well in life.”

Good thing, considering the exorbitant therapy bills she’s going to have.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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