Passing gas is not something that was ever done openly, or discussed openly, in my house while growing up. Rather, it was done behind closed bathroom doors — OR something my dad did in his sleep, causing him to wake up with a start and look around for the loud and offending intruder: “WHO?! HUH?! What WAS that?” Which invariably made my mom and I burst into uncontrollable laughter. Ah, good times.
The lesson being, accidental farts: funny. Purposeful farts: not so much.
I’ve carried that important lesson with me all my life. That, and my dad’s insistence that I change my car’s oil every 3,000 miles are indelibly burned in my brain. Now that I have a baby, however, Mr. Candy and I talk about little BESIDES poop and gas. Sort of hard to avoid when our child farts as though we have her on a curry-and-beer diet, and has even taken to grunting dramatically and LIFTING HER BUTT when doing so.
Of course, we think it’s absolutely precious.
This may explain why I think Norman PhartEphant — the soft, cute guy hanging out with Miss Skye up there — is sort of precious, too. He was sent to me to check out by the creator, a woman who says her sons inspired the gassy toy. I don’t often respond to product pitches, but the PhartEphant piqued my immaturity interest. As you’ve likely guessed, Norman makes different farting noises when you squeeze his tail. A symphony of toots, if you will. It’s not an entirely crass toy, though — the elephant does apologize for his lack of, um, willpower; the creator also hopes parents will use the elephant as a springboard to “talk to their child about bodily functions.”
After they’re done laughing at the fart noises, that is.
Hopefully, Norman’s manners will rub off on my gassy eight-week-old daughter, who recently let ‘er rip when I went to kiss her chubby thigh. Yes, IN MY FACE! Without so much as an “Oops, my bad.”
Best of all, a portion of Norman’s sales are donated to children’s charities, including Smile Train (providing free cleft surgery for children in developing countries ) and Half the Sky (helping orphaned children in China).
Now THAT’s phart-astic. (You knew I couldn’t resist.)