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“Clue Lights”: Candy Spelling Shares Maternal Wisdom with Tori via TMZ


“Clue Lights”: Candy Spelling Shares Maternal Wisdom with Tori via TMZ

Candy Spelling — great first name, not-so-great mental faculties — has written yet another installment in her (in)famous “Open Letters to Wayward Celebrities” series via TMZ; only this time, she imparts her wisdom to daughter Tori.  Because if you want to have a constructive dialogue with your children, you DEFINITELY do it through TMZ!  Nothing passive-aggressive about that.  And, apparently, you definitely do NOT use a proofreader.

Just a snippet of Candy’s maternal reflections:


I Know many middle-aged people have issues about their parents and their upbringing. I did. My memories didn’t match all those of my mother, and, funny thing, it’s the same way with my daughter.

Life has consequences. What you say is on the record. Other people have feelings.

…I have a vested interest in this subject. My daughter, Tori’s, two-part season finale revolves around my granddaughter’s first birthday party and how she has made what seems like an agonizing decision to invite me.

Cue music. Cue sideways glaces. Clue Lights.

I did get an invitation just in time for the RSVP deadline. I’m sure its delivery will be on next week’s episode with some comment about my house or driveway or street or something they won’t like. I wonder if that will be spread out over one part or two. Sigh.

A big party wasn’t how I envisioned meeting my granddaughter for the first time; but, hey, this is Hollywood, and my grandchildren have become reality show props, too.  At the time I emailed “yes,” I didn’t realize I was being set up for a two-parter, even though it was clear I was being invited to be part of a segment for my daughter’s reality show…

Methinks Candy needs to spend less time in front of a computer and more time in her gift-wrapping room… taping up her big mouth to keep it from running again.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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