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A New Fairy Tale for Adults: Booty and the Beast

Children's Book Parody

A New Fairy Tale for Adults: Booty and the Beast

My three-year-old daughter is a big fan of the movie “Beauty and the Beast,” which she pronounces in a most amusing way.

“I want to watch BOOTY AND THE BEAST!” Skye always says.  To which I invariably reply, “What is that — a reality show starring Kim Kardashian and Kanye West?” and then laugh at my own joke as she stares blankly at me, unamused.  (Something tells me that won’t be the last time she does that.)

But I knew somebody who would understand my warped sense of humor:  my good friend, amazing artist and satirist and sometime collaborator, 14 of Gallery of the Absurd.  I contacted her to see if she would like to work together to create a few pages for BOOTY AND THE BEAST, which I would describe as a fairy tale-slash-nursery rhyme collection-slash horror story (in other words, probably not something you’d want to read to the kids before bed, but rather while sipping wine after bedtime).

Lo and behold, she was down for it!  So here it is — the heartwarming storybook romance starring Kim Kardashian as Booty, Kanye West as The (Ego) Beast, Bruce Jenner as Taut Teacup, Kris Jenner as Leaky Teapot, Khloe Kardashian as The Khlock, and Kris Humphries as The Old Flame.

The fantastical book cover, as imagined by Gallery of the Absurd:

(I’ve censored the booty by adding — what else? — money bags to keep it family-friendly, but be sure to check out the hysterical uncensored version at GOTA!).

My intro to the book:

Character design and illustrations by 14 of Gallery of the Absurd.  Character-inspired nursery rhymes by yours truly, Candy Kirby:

(As inspired by her Poise panty liners endorsement deal.)


Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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