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Welcome to the REAL Moms’ Club, Hilary Duff


Welcome to the REAL Moms’ Club, Hilary Duff

Dear Hil,

The glow of new motherhood was grand while it lasted, wasn’t it?  You were reveling in the deliciousness of your adorable son, frequently Tweeting equally delicious pictures of the two of you so that fans could squeal with joy over just how beautiful your family is.  Because we all love that, don’t we?  The validation and support?  After all, that’s why Facebook and Twitter were invented — so us moms finally had a worldwide platform for bragging about our kids.  (Thanks, Mark Z.!)

Oh, but then you dared to venture out on a date night with your hubby and step outside with a — GASP! — cigarette.  And the wrath of judgmental moms came crashing down on you.  Hey, we’re not saying she’s a terrible mom, but she really is a terrible mom, sniped a bunch of bloggers, leading you to protest that the cigarette was for “a friend.”

Terrible mom?  Nah.  Terrible liar?  *Ahem*

Get used to it, Hilary, because the only thing the mom community relishes more than ooohhhing and aaahhhing over your little one?  Is judging the way you raise your little one.  From that cigarette you’re holding MILES AWAY from your baby, to your choice of bottles, to how long you allow your child to use a bottle — it will all be documented in the public domain of TMZ and Us Weekly for our curious eyes to pick apart.  BWA-HA-HAAAA!

So next time you’re caught red (butt)-handed, just shut them up by saying, “It’s all good.  Luca loves cigarettes because they help him keep his boysish figure!”  Or claim the cigarette was for your husband — because judging dads isn’t nearly as popular of a sport.  (Hi there, Ben Affleck!)

Congratulations on being inducted into the REAL Moms’ Club (which can still be pretty awesome),


Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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