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The Stuffy Old Lady Has a Word with Ava Sambora

Celebrity Spawn

The Stuffy Old Lady Has a Word with Ava Sambora

Dear Ava,

You have inherited your mom’s gorgeous looks.  Obviously.  But I just looked up your age on the most credible source of information in the world — Google — and you JUST turned 13.  James Woods may think that means you’re officially dating material now, but this stuffy old lady thinks it means it’s time to retrieve the Strawberry Shortcake sweatshirt out of the Goodwill box (Right?  Isn’t that what most 13-year-olds are wearing these days?) and put away the sheer shirt and taut belly for a few years.

I would tell you to stop watching Gossip Girl — you are just a few layers of eye liner away from becoming Jenny Humphrey — but clearly, the movie 10 is more your style guide.  In which case, stop watching 10. It’s rated R, for heaven’s sake!

Sincerely,

The Stuffy Old Lady

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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