Becoming a mother has changed my outlook on the world, and the fashion at the Oscars is no exception. In fact, I have some thoughts about tonight’s red carpet looks that I would like to get off my chest. Here is what I would say to some of the attendees if I were their mother (lord help them):
Jenny! Cover up, young lady! You’re going to give your father a heart attack.
And Cameron…you look like you have to use the potty. Do you need to use the potty? How many times do I have to tell you to use the potty BEFORE we leave the house for the Oscars?
Why, you’re skin and bones, Angie! Here, sit down and don’t you get up until you’ve eaten ALL of your chicken nuggets and french fries and washed them down with this milkshake, you understand?
You are 41 years old. When are you going to learn I can’t iron all of your clothes for you?
I don’t care if all your friends have “The Rachel”; it looks ridiculous on you. If all your friends jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge, would you do that, too? Hmmmm?
Look at the bottom half of your dress! If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times — stay away from mommy’s scissors!
*Sigh* She’s the closest thing to a grandchild you’re going to give me, isn’t she, Georgie?
Okay, first I catch you squinting at cue cards and now you wear THIS? That’s it — I’m making an appointment at the eye doctor for you first thing in the morning!
- Straighten your tie, young man.
Have fun at prom! But remember: If your date pressures you to do anything you’re not ready for, JUST SAY NO. Even if you think you’re ready, JUST SAY NO.