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The Maternal Fashion Police: What the Heck is Going ON with You, Miley Cyrus?


The Maternal Fashion Police: What the Heck is Going ON with You, Miley Cyrus?

I have to admit, when I watched Miley Cyrus “perform” (read: dry hump) with Robin Thicke at the VMAs, I wasn’t all that shocked or outraged.  Then again, I was on vacation just steps from the beach and Mr. Candy and I had already indulged in a few glasses of wine, which admittedly may have softened my attitude.  But now that I realize Miley clearly is on a non-stop “LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!  LOOK AT ME!” bender that crashes through any obstacles — aghast fiances and impressionable fans and pesky clothes, oh my! — in its attention-seeking path, I can’t help but offer a few gentle, motherly reprimands.  Especially when it comes to her choice of clothes (or lack thereof).  And I’m SURE when Miley reads this (I hear “glean life lessons from parenting sites” is at the top of her daily to-do list), it will make all the difference in the WORLD!  *Ahem*

Oh, well.  Here goes, anyway.  Because she needs to hear something besides “You go, girl!” from her own parents.

Swinging naked on a wrecking ball (or, as I usually call it, “Friday night”):

In London:


I mean, if Paris started posing half-naked all the time just to get attention, would YOU — um, never mind.

Also in London:

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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