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The “Ewwww” Report: Brand New Clothes May Contain Nasty Bacteria

Health & Beauty

The “Ewwww” Report: Brand New Clothes May Contain Nasty Bacteria

File this under:  News that makes me itch.

So new clothes…?  Not so clean.  In fact, you’re gonna want to dry clean that silk blouse you just bought.   NOW.  Because according to a report on Good Morning America, it could very well contain vaginal organisms, yeast and fecal germs — just like the new one they bought and tested on the show.

Yes.  Fecal germs.

Awesome.  It’s like buying an expensive blouse made of used toilet paper.  Only DIRTIER.

To encourage people to wash clothes before wearing them, Dr. Philip Tierno, director of microbiology and immunology at New York University, tested 14 items for germs.

“On this black and tan blouse we found representation of respiratory secretions, skin flora, and some fecal flora,” Tierno said.

On a jacket, Tierno discovered evidence of feces, skin flora and respiratory secretions, especially in the armpit and “close to the buttocks,” Tierno said.

Tierno said a couple of the items had extremely high counts of germs, far above normal.

“Some garments were grossly contaminated with many organisms … indicating that either many people tried it or … someone tried it on with heavy contamination,” he said. “In a sense, you are touching somebody’s arm pit or groin. So you want to be protected that’s all.

“You may not come down with anything and, most cases you don’t, but it’s potentially possible,” he added.

I just shared this news with Mr. Candy, who regularly wears new clothes without washing them, and he said, “So…?  That stuff is probably in salad bars, too.”  LIKE THAT MAKES IT OKAY.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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