You Knew This Was Coming
Say hello to Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress #2, class. (“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Alleged Mistress Number Two!”)
With rumors swirling about Tiger’s supposed infidelity, the chicks are coming out of the WOODSwork. (What? Don’t give me that disapproving look. That pun was just BEGGING to be made!) Although Mistress #1, Rachel Uchitel, denies having a fling with the golfer, a Los Angeles cocktail waitress tells Us Weekly that she did have a 31-month fling with him — and (ZING!) has a voice-mail recording and 300 racy text messages to prove it.
DUDE! You’re a smart guy, a Stanford grad. You should know better than to leave a sexting trail. Especially with that classy chick.
Jaimee Grubbs, now 24, claims she began having an affair with Tiger in April 2007, and that they went on to have 20 sexual encounters. How… precise of her. It must also be noted that Grubbs recently appeared on VH1’s Tool Academy — a school where Tiger’s tool would undoubtedly be voted “Most Likely to Get Him in a Whole Heap of Trouble.” Also, “Most Friendly.”