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You Knew This Was Coming

Celebrities

You Knew This Was Coming

Say hello to Tiger Woods’ alleged mistress #2, class. (“Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii, Alleged Mistress Number Two!”)

With rumors swirling about Tiger’s supposed infidelity, the chicks are coming out of the WOODSwork.  (What?  Don’t give me that disapproving look.  That pun was just BEGGING to be made!)  Although Mistress #1, Rachel Uchitel, denies having a fling with the golfer, a Los Angeles cocktail waitress tells Us Weekly that she did have a 31-month fling with him — and (ZING!) has a voice-mail recording and 300 racy text messages to prove it.

DUDE!  You’re a smart guy, a Stanford grad.  You should know better than to leave a sexting trail.  Especially with that classy chick.

Jaimee Grubbs, now 24, claims she began having an affair with Tiger in April 2007, and that they went on to have 20 sexual encounters.  How… precise of her.   It must also be noted that Grubbs recently appeared on VH1’s Tool Academy — a school where Tiger’s tool would undoubtedly be voted “Most Likely to Get Him in a Whole Heap of Trouble.”  Also, “Most Friendly.”

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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