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Laughing Stork Sports Edition: Tiger Woods Did Not Have a Stellar Weekend


Laughing Stork Sports Edition: Tiger Woods Did Not Have a Stellar Weekend

Oh yeah, he's in troubleAs many of you have likely already heard, Tiger Woods is in trouble with a capital “OH BOY.”  In short, Tiger and his wife Elin allegedly got in a fight about Tiger having an affair, during which Elin may or may not have beaten the crap out of him, and then Tiger crashed his SUV trying to get the hell out of there — leaving him lying unconscious outside of his neighbor’s house.

Yes, Christmas has come early for TMZ this year.

Tiger has been fairly (and unwisely?) tight-lipped about the situation so far, canceling several interviews with investigators and posting only this statement on his site:

“As you all know, I had a single-car accident earlier this week, and sustained some injuries. I have some cuts, bruising and right now I’m pretty sore.

This situation is my fault, and it’s obviously embarrassing to my family and me. I’m human and I’m not perfect. I will certainly make sure this doesn’t happen again.

This is a private matter and I want to keep it that way. Although I understand there is curiosity, the many false, unfounded and malicious rumors that are currently circulating about my family and me are irresponsible.”

Oh, Tiger.  Hear that…?  That’s the sound of a $105-million Nike contract swooshing down the toilet.

P.S.  You should be proud of me for not making a single pun using “Woods” or “birdie.”  That required a LOT of self-restraint on my part.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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