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Afterbirth & Crafts: Make a Placenta Teddy Bear in Three Easy Steps!

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Afterbirth & Crafts: Make a Placenta Teddy Bear in Three Easy Steps!

This is NOT your mother’s teddy bear.  Oh wait — yes, it is!  A bear made out of your mother, that is.

According to Inhabitots, the placenta teddy bear is “a crafty alternative for those who don’t necessarily want to eat their baby’s placenta (remember the yummy-looking placenta panini?), but want to pay their respects to the life-sustaining organ,” by saving it in teddy form.

Also:  a delicious chew toy for your pup.

I know the first thought that popped into your head:  How in the world do I MAKE one of these cuddly suckers?  So glad you asked!

Just grab that placenta, cut it in half and rub with sea salt — Yes, just like a good roast beef! — to cure it.  After it is dried out, the afterbirth is treated with an emulsifying mixture of tannin and egg yolk to make it soft and pliable.  Then, ta-da!  You craft it into a teddy bear.

Instead of Build-a-Bear, you Birth-a-Bear!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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