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Great Moments in Celebrity Scandals: David Letterman Blackmailed Over Office Affairs


Great Moments in Celebrity Scandals: David Letterman Blackmailed Over Office Affairs

Oh, thank goodness — a tabloid-worthy story that doesn’t involve the word “Gosselin.”

David Letterman has revealed that he was the victim of a $2-million extortion attempt related to his sexual relations with “Late Show” staffers.

I wonder if one of Dave’s pick-up lines was, “Wanna see if it floats?”

During a taping for Thursday night’s broadcast (awk-ward!), Dave told viewers that three weeks ago he was approached by a person who claimed to have information about the host’s affairs with female staff members.  This person, Dave said, threatened to expose the relationships unless payment of $2 million was received.

You know who’s behind this, don’t you?  One word:  PALIN!

Dave then approached the Manhattan district attorney’s office, which began an investigation that culminated in Thursday’s arrest of the person, whom police identified as NOT Palin, surprisingly, but rather 51-year-old “48 Hours” producer Robert Halderman.  You’d think Halderman would know enough about crime by now to PROPERLY blackmail a person.  Geesh.

Dave, 62, said that during his grand jury testimony he admitted to having the sexual relationships.

“My response to that is yes I have,” he told his studio audience. “Would it be embarrassing if it were made public?  Perhaps — especially for the women,” he joked.

“It’s been a very bizarre experience,” Dave added. “I feel like I need to protect my family. I need to protect myself and I hope to protect my job.”

I’m sure Dave’s wife, who’s been his companion since 1986, is pleased.  Let’s just hope there are no sex videos produced by his company, Worldwide I Wanna Get In Your Pants.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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