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Breaking Global News: ‘Smelly’ Germans, ‘Rough’ Americans Voted World’s Worst Lovers

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Breaking Global News: ‘Smelly’ Germans, ‘Rough’ Americans Voted World’s Worst Lovers

Despite sexy attire, German men deemed bad lovers

In news sure to thrill German men, a new poll of 15,000 women has determined they are the worst lovers in the world.  Yes, even worse than the British.  Quite a claim to fame!  Spanish men topped the survey as the best lovers (well, they topped something), followed by Brazilians and Italians.

I can’t personally comment on their bedroom prowess or lack thereof, but I DO know German guys can and do drink a whole lotta beer.  Which, come to think of it, may explain their, um, limp standing in the poll.

Market research company OnePoll asked women from 20 countries to rate men from around the world on their ability in bed and give reasons for their answers.

As it turns out, Germans were deemed to have bad body odor, Englishmen were accused of letting women do all the work, while Swedes were too quick to finish.

The latter is not surprising.  Swedish women are really hot.  Maybe the men should think about smelly German dudes to help prolong things a bit.

You know, the market research firm really didn’t need to go to the trouble of surveying 15,000 women.  Paris Hilton has been diligently working on this global survey for years!

WORLD’S WORST LOVERS:

1. Germany (too smelly)

2. England (too lazy)

3. Sweden (too quick)

4. Holland (too dominating)

5. America (too rough)  [Ed. note:  I blame “The Sopranos”!]

6. Greece (too lovey-dovey)

7. Wales (too selfish)

8. Scotland (too loud)

9. Turkey (too sweaty)

10. Russia (too hairy)

WORLD’S BEST LOVERS

1. Spain

2. Brazil

3. Italy

4. France

5. Ireland

6. South Africa

7. Australia

8. New Zealand

9. Denmark

10. Canada

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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