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Women Have Sex for All the Wrong Reasons

In the News

Women Have Sex for All the Wrong Reasons

Men have sex because, well, they are men.  We chicks, however, aren’t quite so easy to figure out, which is why researchers Cindy Meston and David Buss surveyed 1,006 females to see “why women have sex” — also, coincidentally, the name of their new book on the subject.

So what did the majority cite as their main reason to have sex…?

To persuade their men to do some housework.  I kid you not.

“Hey, honey.  You’re looking really sexy tonight.  Whaddya say –”

“Only if you take out the trash.”

Some of the other reasons given in interviews, all equally romantic, include:

1. She’s alleviating boredom –- it gives her something to do.  (That’s what Guitar Hero is for.)

2. She wants to relieve a stress headache or migraine.  (If only there were a pill that could help with that lil’ problem…)

3. She’s trying to put an end to an argument.  (So she really means it when she tells him to “stick it where the sun don’t shine.”)

4. She wants a better complexion.  (I don’t even want to know what kind of facial these women are getting.)

5. She’s thanking her date for a nice dinner, a present, or spending a lot of money on her early on in the relationship.  (*COUGH*  HOOKER!  *COUGH*)

6. She’s after a spiritual experience since sex is seen as “the closest thing to God.”  (Explains why these women scream, “Oh God!“)

7. She’s refining her sexual skills.  (Continuing Education Program!  Good for them.)

8. She feels sorry for the guy.  (Um, a pitying look will suffice.)

9. She likes that he has an extravagant lifestyle (Read:  Sugar Daddy!)

10. She’s in a long-distance relationship and wants action now versus later.  (That’s what The Rabbit is for.)

C’mon.  Not a single one of these reasons involves alcohol?!  Puh-lease.  To quote a certain U.S. representative:  LIAR(S)!  All of ’em.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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