This post is rated PG-13 and Anti-Parents. Not suitable for children under 13 or my mom and dad.
With an acute case of Pregnancy Brain, I’ll admit I’m easily confused these days. However, I’ve always been befuddled by sex toys, as it’s often unclear to me whether they’re supposed to offer pleasure, blend my margaritas or clean my windows. So, being the thorough, dedicated reporter that I am, I decided to get my hands — and mind — dirty with an ongoing investigative report:
SEX TOY OR HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT?!
Let’s see if you can determine which of these are sex aids, and which are found in Target’s housewares and electronics aisles:
1. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
1. ANSWER: UM… HOUSEHOLD PRODUCT. SORT OF.
This “Epidermits” toy is currently only a concept — and the freakiest thing I’ve seen since man babies. Apparently, a human-like tissue organism covers the robotic thing, which also runs on fuel cells for energy. In theory, you are supposed to be able to program it to move around and act as your kid’s companion.
Um, I think kids are better off with something less scary. Like knives.
2. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
2. ANSWER: SEX TOY
The Mini-Max Waterproof Vibe Makeup Brush “doubles as a discreet massager” — offering a couple ways to put blush on those cheeks. Ba-da-bum.
3. Sex Toy? Or Household Product?
3. ANSWER: SEX TOY
No, the Pink Panther didn’t just cough up a hairball.
This is the “Dust Your Sweetie Feather Duster.” As you can see, it comes with a fluffy applicator and cotton candy-flavored powder for those who forgot to have a snack before sex.