Breaking: Suri Cruise Chews on Flip-Flop!
In a shocking development that has rocked the entire free world, two-and-a-half-year-old Suri Cruise was spotted — GASP! — chewing on a rubber flip-flop that she managed to extract from her foot.
“We haven’t seen anything this horrifying since the Kingston Rossdale sand-eating incident of ’07,” clucked Celebrity Baby Watchdog Chief and Woman with Excessive Time on Her Hands, Karen Thompson.
“We just hope Tom and Katie get Suri the serious help she needs before she ends up gnawing on something even more gross — like the corner of an IHOP table,” Thompson sighed while cutting out a particularly adorable picture of Violet Affleck from Us Weekly to add to her wall collage.