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Breaking: Suri Cruise Chews on Flip-Flop!

Celebrity Spawn

Breaking: Suri Cruise Chews on Flip-Flop!

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Flip-Flop-Gate

In a shocking development that has rocked the entire free world, two-and-a-half-year-old Suri Cruise was spotted — GASP! — chewing on a rubber flip-flop that she managed to extract from her foot.

“We haven’t seen anything this horrifying since the Kingston Rossdale sand-eating incident of ’07,” clucked Celebrity Baby Watchdog Chief and Woman with Excessive Time on Her Hands, Karen Thompson.

“We just hope Tom and Katie get Suri the serious help she needs before she ends up gnawing on something even more gross — like the corner of an IHOP table,” Thompson sighed while cutting out a particularly adorable picture of Violet Affleck from Us Weekly to add to her wall collage.

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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