Top 10 Things My Parents Taught Me

Important life lessons that I will, no doubt, pass down to my daughter and son…

10.  Medicine:  1)  “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way!”  2)  If you don’t stop cracking your knuckles, you’re going to get arthritis.  Or worse — big knuckles!”  BONUS (courtesy of my dad):  “If you don’t drink more water, your insides are going to shrivel up and they’re going to have to cut you open!”

9.  Poetry:  “Your ass is grass and I’m the lawnmower.”

8.  Suspense:  “Can you guess what I found in your closet today?”

7.  Optimism:  “You are going to enjoy yourself at that Girl Scout Camp you begged to go to, or I am going to hit you upside the head.”

6.  Finance:  “Turn off the lights.  We don’t own stock in the electric company.”

5.  Entomology:  “Keep your mouth open like that, and you’re going to catch bugs.”

4.  Genealogy:  “I’m not Sarah’s mother.  I’m YOUR mother.”

3.  Culinary Arts:  “How would you like a knuckle sandwich?”

2.  Realism:  “Be good. But if you can’t be good, be careful.”

1.  Justice:  “If you ever have kids, I hope they act just like you.”