Celebrities
End-of-Week Celebrity Reprimands
Seems like some wayward celebrities just need a motherly voice to set them straight, doesn’t it? So I figured I would try to help these poor souls out, scolding them in my best “Mom Voice” every week…
Rihanna. Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna. You are a beautiful, talented and wildly successful woman — SO WHY ARE YOU TWEETING HALF-NAKED PHOTOS OF YOURSELF, YOUNG LADY? You don’t need to try so hard to be sexy. Really. What is it — are you not getting enough attention? Come here, sit down. Tell me about your day…
Hey, sweetie. Here… let me just put this comfy towel around you. Now follow me! I know where you can find goggles… they’re right around the corner, a few miles down, at this great psychiatric ward…
Your stupid, insensitive and abusive behavior is overshadowing your tremendous talent. Get a grip.
I don’t care what your real mom tells you to do — WEAR A BRA, KHLOE!