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Top 5 Lamest Excuses for Throwing Your Kid’s Artwork in the Trash

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Top 5 Lamest Excuses for Throwing Your Kid’s Artwork in the Trash

trashcanEver get caught throwing your kid’s artwork in the trash?  Yeah, me, too.  And my four-year-old, not entirely grasping that it would take a storage shed the size of Portugal to house all of her daily artwork, was NOT happy about finding her drawing of a sun underneath a pile of spaghetti sauce (and had no qualms about reaching in there and yanking it out, thankyouverymuch).  I don’t remember exactly what I said when I was confronted, but it may have been along the lines of “Hmmmm.  I wonder if your brother put it in there.”

Lame, I know.  And here five other excuses I considered that might be even lamer:

5. “Oh, honey, that’s not the trash.  It’s ART HEAVEN!”

4.  “No, I didn’t throw it out.  I just wanted to see if you could find where I hid it.  YOU WIN!”

3.  “What — you don’t like it?  I thought piling cat litter on top of the drawing added a certain grittiness.”

2.  “I bet the ceiling fan blew it in there.  If we had one.”

1.  “I’m not sure how your art got in there, but I can’t believe you just reached into that filthy trash to get it out.  Go to the bathroom to clean your hands right now, young lady, and DO NOT COME BACK UNTIL YOU’VE FORGOTTEN THIS EVER HAPPENED, DO YOU HEAR ME?!”

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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