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Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

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Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

As you know, The Laughing Stork is not always about making silly jokes — the cats and I also work tirelessly to raise awareness about devastating conditions afflicting families around the world.  Such as pacifier addiction.  And Fifty Shades of Grey Disorder.  And, of course, Second Child Syndrome.

Second Child Syndrome happens to be a cause that is near and dear to my heart because, you see, my son… well, I forget his name right now, but I’m sure it will come to me… was born with the all-too-common condition.  So, in the interest of helping other kids who wonder why the pages of their baby books are blank, here are some other telltale symptoms:

Top 10 Signs You Are the Second Child

10.  Your mom’s “diaper bag” is her back pocket.

9.  You think pacifiers come packaged with lint and pet hairs.

8.  “Hand-puréed breakfast” = crushed Cheerios on the floor.

7.  By the time your parents bother to come and pick you up from the crib in the morning, you could have read War and Peace from cover to cover.  Twice.

6.  You think your name is “Hey you.”

5.  Your parents have more pictures of the cats than of you.

4. Your first solid food was a basket of BBQ ribs.

3.  You think the Imagination Movers are your babysitters.

2.  All of the tags in your clothes have somebody else’s name written on them.

1.  Your parents exclaim with surprise: “Hey, wait — when did you start walking?!”  Just as you’re about to accept your high school diploma.

For more laughs about first kid vs. second kid experiences, be sure to check out Luvs’ hilarious campaign celebrating us second-time moms.  This short video about packing up to leave the house particularly resonates with me:

Except my rug has way more crushed crackers and juice stains.

Disclosure time:  This month I’m working with a team of parenting humorists, including Kelcey, Robin, Susan, Amy and Ann, to hijack Luvs’ marketing for their clever and funny 1st Kid/2nd Kid campaign, for which I am indeed compensated.  If you have a second kid story, please do share!

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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