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End-of-Week Celebrity Reprimands


End-of-Week Celebrity Reprimands

Seems like some wayward celebrities just need a motherly voice to set them straight, doesn’t it?  So I figured I would try to help these poor souls out, scolding them in my best “Mom Voice” every week…

Rihanna Tweets a topless photo the morning after Halloween

Rihanna.  Rihanna, Rihanna, Rihanna.  You are a beautiful, talented and wildly successful woman — SO WHY ARE YOU TWEETING HALF-NAKED PHOTOS OF YOURSELF, YOUNG LADY?  You don’t need to try so hard to be sexy.  Really.  What is it — are you not getting enough attention?  Come here, sit down.  Tell me about your day…

Amanda Bynes reportedly walks out of tanning salon booth, butt naked, and casually walks around in search of goggles

Hey, sweetie.   Here… let me just put this comfy towel around you.  Now follow me!  I know where you can find goggles… they’re right around the corner, a few miles down, at this great psychiatric ward…

Chris Brown dresses as a gun-toting terrorist for Halloween

Your stupid, insensitive and abusive behavior is overshadowing your tremendous talent.  Get a grip.

Khloe Kardashian shows nipple on ‘X Factor’ debut

I don’t care what your real mom tells you to do — WEAR A BRA, KHLOE!


Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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