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10 Things People Say to New Parents—and What They Really Mean


10 Things People Say to New Parents—and What They Really Mean

When we welcome a new addition into our lives, we also have no choice but to welcome a whole slew of comments from family, friends and perfect strangers. And, as I’ve learned after having two babies, what people say isn’t always what they mean exactly. So I thought it would be helpful for new parents to translate some of the more popular coded comments. Here are:

The Top 10 Things People Say When You’re a New Parent—and What They Really Mean

10. What they say: “Bluebell Apple… what a unique baby name!”
What they mean:Why would you torture your child with a name like that?

9. What they say: “Don’t worry. You’re going to lose that baby weight in no time!”
What they mean:Wow. You still look like you’re pregnant.

8. What they say: “You look tired.”
What they mean:You look terrible.

7. What they say: “What a cute… baby. What is its name?”
What they mean:I am politely trying to figure out if your baby is a boy or a girl.

6. What they say: “I have never seen a baby spit up so much.”
What they mean:You must be over-feeding that child.

5. What they say: “It’s amazing how much stuff you accumulate when you have a baby, huh?”
What they mean:Your house is a mess.

4. What they say: “He’s really got a set of lungs on him!”
What they mean:I’m so glad I don’t have to listen to that wailing all the time.

3. What they say: “It’s great you’ve been able to find the time to post so many pictures on Facebook!”
What they mean:Stop clogging my newsfeed.

2. What they say:Our son started sleeping through the night when he was just six weeks old!”
What they mean:We are the BEST PARENTS EVER. You, on the other hand…

1. What they say: “Would you like me to watch the baby while you take a shower or something?”
What they mean:You smell.

Originally written for Disney’s

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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