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The Real Guide to Getting Your Baby to Sleep


The Real Guide to Getting Your Baby to Sleep

Yup. That’s my boy.

Sleep, or lack thereof, is a very popular topic among new parents—right up there with poop and feeding habits—so it is no wonder there is a whole empire built around the business of getting babies to sleep. There are, however, some tips that you probably won’t find in any books or DVDs; if you happen to be at the end of your rope, here are some situations in which my children would almost always fall asleep.

The Jumperoo

It’s fun! It’s bouncy! It promotes alertness and exercise! It’s the least comfortable place in the world in which to sleep! So, naturally, my son would always fall asleep in it.  Every. Single. Time.

The Car Ride

It is no secret that the hum of the car is supposed to lull babies to sleep—but this is a twist on the classic trick. Ever notice that when you hope the baby will nap during a long car ride, that he will wait until you are just a minute away from your destination to actually fall asleep, so you will have to risk waking him up when taking him out of the car? My kids would do that without fail, to the point that I knew they were just messing me. My advice: Tell your baby “We’re almost there!” just a few seconds into your drive. You may think he can’t understand yet, but I guarantee the little guy will fall asleep immediately.

The Dad Hand-Off

After complaining to my husband that my daughter hadn’t slept for me all day or night—and happily handing her off to him, hoping he would finally get to feel my pain—she would once again mess with me by taking a three-hour nap for him the second I left the room. Invariably. Hmpf.

So just hand the kid to Dad! And when all else fails, there is always C-SPAN. The perfect sleep aid for people of all ages, really.

This was originally written for Disney’s

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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