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Top 10 Reasons Blake Lively Should Have 30 Kids with Ryan Reynolds

Celebrities

Top 10 Reasons Blake Lively Should Have 30 Kids with Ryan Reynolds

Future Lively-Reynolds family portrait

As only a 25-year-old childless woman, or a Duggar, could, newly married Blake Lively gushed to Allure that she would “LOVE” to have 30 children if she could.  And, hey, why the heck not?  There are plenty of advantages to having dozens of kids, as we’ve outlined in our list:

TOP 10 REASONS BLAKE LIVELY SHOULD HAVE 30 CHILDREN WITH RYAN REYNOLDS

10. They can scoff, “Nineteen?  Pssshhh.  SUCK IT, DUGGARS!”

9.  The smell of freshly dirtied diapers can help mask the smell of old dirty diapers.

8.  Can make friends and neighbors jealous by rolling around town in sweet-ass family bus.

7.  Think of what they’ll save on birth control!  Oh, wait —

6.  After the first dozen or two?  It’s like a Slip ‘N Slide down there, anyway.

5. 31 words:  Hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand–hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-hand-me-downs.

4.  That would be enough kids to fulfill most every parent’s dream:  to have three family NBA teams.   (Hey, I’m sure they’ll at least be able to beat the Bobcats.)

3.  They may finally be able to coerce a few dozen people to watch “The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2.”

2.  People won’t expect them to remember their kids’ names.  (Like people seem to expect of me.  Geesh.  Especially two little people who I, uh, won’t name right now.  For privacy reasons.  Yeah, that’s the ticket.)

1.  If anyone should procreate a lot, it’s these two.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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