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An Open Letter to Rob Kardashian from The Cats

Our Crazy Cats

An Open Letter to Rob Kardashian from The Cats

Dear Rob:

We were watching E! News last night to see if they would share any more naked pictures of Prince Harry when Jason Kennedy alerted us to something very troubling — yes, perhaps even more troubling than the fact that Jay-Z is remaking Annie starring WILLOW SMITH.

You got a VERY large tattoo of your mom’s face on your arm.  *Sigh*  Oh, son…

Look, we understand what it’s like trying to get your mother’s attention.  Lordy, do we ever understand.  You live in the shadow of your endless sisters.  We live in the shadow of the two rugrats our mom popped out in the past three years.  It hurts when Mom forgets your name… and stops playing “Chase the Laser Pointer!” with you… and barely deigns to pat your head.

We bet that your water bowl has been neglected for weeks, too.

But a tattoo of your mother that’s so big, even Stevie Wonder can see it? (Sorry, we inherited our corny sense of humor from our dad.)  That’s not exactly going to do wonders for your already rocky dating life, young man.  In the future, might we suggest more subtle ways to get your mom to look your way — like meowing loudly in her face at 5AM or leaving a furball in her favorite shoe or frenetically running up and down the stairs for a minute, then collapsing into an eight-hour nap?

We’re just sayin’…

… You have other options.

Wishing you the best of luck with that sock line!  Be sure to keep us afoot of any updates.

Marcy & Lucy (“The Cats”)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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