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10 Things That May Hurt More Than Childbirth

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10 Things That May Hurt More Than Childbirth

A friend pregnant with her first child recently asked me how much labor hurts, her voice dropping to a scared whisper and her hands clutching the sofa arms in anticipation of the scream-at-the-top-of-your-lungs pain portrayed in the movies. I couldn’t lie—childbirth is not exactly a walk in the park. Yet with the help of either medication or adrenaline (and the knowledge you’re going to be rewarded with a beautiful baby), it’s also not the worst pain in the world either.

In fact, there are things that happen after having the baby that can hurt even more than childbirth—causing the kind of pain that can linger for months or years, which inspired this list:

10 Things That May Hurt More Than Childbirth

10. Your freezer breaking down, making you lose 50 bags of frozen breast milk (which also equals 25 hours of pumping and 3 gallons of milk). Oh yeah, that hurts.

9. A woman asking when you are due—six months after you actually gave birth. Talk about a bruised ego.

8. Your baby doing an explosive poop while you’re out running errands—at which point you realize you forgot the diaper bag. The sting of your nose and your baby’s behind: ouch.

7. The amount of money you have to put away for your kid’s college tuition. Which may cause you to feel sick to your stomach for, oh, another 20 years or so.

6. Your baby refusing to sleep through the night—for two years. Painful exhaustion.

5. Having to sing “Wheels on the Bus” 400,000 times a day. Torture by children’s songs.

Read the rest of my oh-so-painful list on Disney’s, where I am a regular contributor…

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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