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Warning: Dollywood Ride May Cause Terrified Dads, Uncontrollable Swearing, Popular Viral Videos


Warning: Dollywood Ride May Cause Terrified Dads, Uncontrollable Swearing, Popular Viral Videos

There are many wonderful things about my toddler getting older.  The ability to communicate her needs, for one.  The capacity to entertain herself for decent stretches of time.  The unfolding of her personality.  And what I certainly treasure most of all:  the ability to go on roller coaster rides, baby!

Yeah, I love ’em.  And don’t be fooled by the unsure look on Skye’s face — she was a total rock star when she took this one for a whirl at Disneyland a couple weeks ago, her very first roller coaster ride.  It’s for the best that I accompany our young daughter because Mr. Candy develops Roller Coaster Tourrette’s Syndrome, wherein he cannot stop screaming “SH*T, SH*T, SH*T!” at the top of his lungs.

There must be something about dads and rides.  I also remember my father turning a disconcerting shade of green after agreeing to accompany me on a particularly nausea-inducing ride THREE TIMES IN A ROW.  He probably only recalls the distinct taste of regurgitated hamburger in his mouth, but what I recall?  Is just how awesome my dad was for braving that ride with me over and over again.

Which is precisely what this little girl is going to remember, too.  Well, that, and that her dad trended on YouTube for “HILARIOUS VIDEO OF DAD TERRIFIED ON DOLLYWOOD RIDE!”

“NEVER AGAIN, GRACE ELIZABETH!”  (Yes, he used her full name.  It’s that bad.)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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