Wiggles Drama! Three Members — GASP! — Wiggling Out of Popular Children’s Band for Good

Oh, major drama behind the scenes of The Wiggles, people — three members of the children’s music quartet will be retiring their colorful outfits and leaving the Australian band this year, with the Blue Wiggle being the only original member left shaking his hips.

The Laughing Stork tried to reach Captain Feathersword for comment on the shake-up, but he was too busy juggling balls and ironing his puffy shirt to respond.

Jeff Fatt (Purple Wiggle), Murray Cook (Red Wiggle) and Greg Page (Yellow Wiggle) will leave after the group wraps up a “Celebration Tour” beginning this month and ending in Australia in December, the band said in a statement.  The retiring trio will no longer perform but will take on backstage, creative roles.  (Meaning:  The paychecks will continue to roll in to support their obviously expensive rainbow-colored wardrobe habits.)

Three replacements have already been chosen (and one is a — GASP! — woman!) to join Anthony Field (Blue Wiggle), who helped found the group in 1991, way back when I was still in high school and electricity had not yet been invented.  The band has since sold more than 23 million DVDs and 7 million CDs worldwide, and its TV shows are broadcast in more than 100 countries.

No pressure or anything, DJ Lance Rock.

Although the departing members cite wanting to spend more time with their families as the reason for leaving, let’s face it — we all know there’s more to the Wiggles’ shake-up than that.  So, Wiggles theorists, what do you think is the real reason behind their collective exit?

With thanks to Laughing Stork reader, Bethany, for the heads up