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Top 10 Things I Learned from Hosting Our First Kids’ Party

Candy's Column

Top 10 Things I Learned from Hosting Our First Kids’ Party

A debilitating flu virus, a four-month-old who has decided to cut his first TWO teeth at the same time (overachiever!) and a husband on the road:  if that’s not a recipe for a good time, I don’t know what is.  Needless to say, I will not be hosting a Halloween party this year, though I hope I am able to leave my deathbed long enough to throw on my costume (oh yes, we have another family theme this year) and take the little ones Trick-or-Treating.

While I continue to recover, I’m re-publishing a Top 10 list of learnings from our Halloween party last year, a party we threw just days after we found out we were pregnant with Drew.  Wonderful news and all, sure, but realizing I couldn’t partake of the pumpkin-tinis…?  More than a little devastating.

On Saturday we welcomed seven children, ranging in age from 9 months to nine years, and their parents into our home for a Halloween par-tay.  Also:  our first attempt at hosting a real kids’ party.  (Pretty sure I was drunk when I decided to send out the e-vite.)  Here are my top 10 lessons learned from the experience:

10.  If you want a bunch of harried parents to arrive at your party at a specific time, tell them the party begins one-to-two hours before the actual starting time.

9.  Always have your pint-sized guests sign a “NO DOUBLE-DIPPING” agreement.  Otherwise, a two-year-old may decide to stick his carrot in the dip, suck it off, then REPEAT over and over again before anybody realizes — at which point, the dip has devolved into a half ranch dressing, half toddler saliva mix.  Mmmmmm.  (Yeah, we left it out.  Why are you looking at me like that?  Who doesn’t like saliva dip?)

8.  Getting your carpet and furniture professionally cleaned the day BEFORE the party is just plain stupid.  (R.I.P. area rug and sofa cushion)

7.  When you dress up as Grandma for Halloween, the kids will expect you to be packin’ Werther’s Original candies.

6.  Do not leave your daughter’s Little Red Riding Hood cape on the coffee table, lest another parent mistake it for a napkin and use it to wipe up the soda from the area rug.

5.  Turns out, serving soda in red plastic cups does NOT magically make you feel like you’re back in your keg party days.  *SIGH*

4.  There is nothing like a kids’ party to demonstrate how inadequately you have baby-proofed.  Related:  playing with the oven provides a one-year-old boy with HOURS of entertainment!

3.  When you purchase cupcakes to eat and cookies to decorate, it helps if you actually PUT THEM OUT ON THE TABLE for people to enjoy.

2.  Glow sticks do not make ideal teething toys.

1.  Wine:  it does a parent’s sanity good.

And, yes, I would throw one again in a heartbeat.  Because I’m crazy like that.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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