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What I Learned on My “Babymoon”

Candy's Column

What I Learned on My “Babymoon”

1.  I should leave the “hand-on-hip” pose to Paris Hilton.

2.  Imminent parenthood does not mean increased maturity.  Mr. Candy spotted these structures on our way to La Jolla and squealed…

… “Boobie buildings!”

3.  Baby Mamas get no respect, man.  While we were in the midst of a fancy-schmancy dinner at our hotel, the restaurant manager came over and made a big deal out of my pregnancy — and proceeded to give Mr. Candy TWO FREE GLASSES OF WINE to celebrate.  Um, hello, my stomach has expanded to the size of a baby elephant so I can grow a LIFE in my womb.  Where’s MY free dessert?

4.  Ladybugs have no qualms about copping a feel without even buying you a drink first.

5.  NEVER park under the popular seagull hang-out:

Crap Car

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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