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The Laughing Stork

Candy's Column


Behold: What my mom had in mind when, many, many years ago, she rolled her eyes at me pounding my fists on the floor at Sears because my three-year-old ass did NOT WANT TO PUT ON MY COAT YOU CAN’T MAKE ME, WAAAHHH!!!, and ominously declared:

“I cannot wait for you to have a child of your own someday.”

The result of her evil mom suggesting that she NOT throw plastic CD covers from the loft

This one’s for you, Mom.  Soak it in.  Victory is yours.

[Ed. note — Don’t you just love how I’m all, “Oh, you’re having a meltdown, sweetie?  Here, LET ME GRAB THE CAMERA!”]

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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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