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Pride & Prejudice: The Tale of One Toddler’s Triumph

Candy's Column

Pride & Prejudice: The Tale of One Toddler’s Triumph

Many people believe the three-feet-and-under set have it easy, what with having around-the-clock butt wipers, booger-picking servants and personal chefs and all.  However, toddlers suffer prejudice, too — and nowhere is that more evident than the furniture industry, which continues to produce chairs and sofas that are largely inaccessible to these little people, forcing them to reach up and grunt at the adults smugly lounging on the furniture, in hopes that the adults will take pity on them and give ’em a lift.  Yes!  They grunt!  Simply humiliating.

Just look at the heartbreaking effect this bias has had on my daughter.  Why, over the past month, I have discovered her relegated to sitting in shoeboxes…

Her devastation is evident.

And suitcases…

Skye bravely disguises her pain

And, perhaps most embarrassingly of all, plastic containers.

"My dinner...?"

We knew we had to take action before we found the child forced to sit in, say, the cats’ litter box.  Because that would just be a hilarious photo op terrible.  So we finally ordered a chair custom-made for somebody of her diminutive stature:

Needless to say, Skye now thinks she’s the hottest thing since Suri Cruise in high heels.  The perfect place to kick up her soft-soled sandals… after a morning of playing in the cats’ litter box.  (You know it’s only a matter of time.)

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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