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Top 10 Things I’ve Learned in My First Three Years of Life (AKA Pearls of Wisdom from Miss Skye)


Top 10 Things I’ve Learned in My First Three Years of Life (AKA Pearls of Wisdom from Miss Skye)

Miss Skye reflects on life lessons learned, having recently turned the big THREE:

Top 10 Things I’ve Learned in My First Three Years of Life

by Ms. Skye (I am 3 now, after all.)

10.  If you’re playing Hide-and-Seek with your mom, it’s best to jump out of your hiding spot and yell “HERE I AM!” before she counts to 10.   Saves her time and frustration.  (Even if I’m hiding in the most obvious place, my mom doesn’t see me.  She really sucks at the game!)

9.  If there is an awkward pause in a conversation, I find a good way to smoothly transition is to yell “BUTT!”  In fact, you can never go wrong with interjecting “BUTT!” into a conversation.  Or yelling it at the top of your lungs at Target.

8.  There is nothing more satisfying than buttoning my own shirt.  And it only takes me eight years to do it.

7.  Baby brothers are actually pretty cool.  Especially when they “share” all of their toys with you without you even having to ask first!

6.  If your head declares war on the corner of a toy kitchen, the corner is going to win.  Every time.

5.  Moms are often hard-of-hearing.  For example, whenever my mom asks me to do something I don’t want to do, she keeps asking me to do it even after I say, “No!”  I find the best way to handle her dismal hearing is to yell “NO!” over and over again, until she finally understands what I’m saying.  Or I get a time-out.  Either/or.

4.  If your mom claims her arms hurt from carrying you all weekend and refuses to carry you anymore, give her arm a kiss and declare, “Arm hurt?  All better!”  Works like a charm.  Because parents cannot resist the evil powers of toddler cuteness.

3.  Just because they’re parents doesn’t mean they’re smart.   My poor mom is always asking me how to say the ABCs even though we’ve been over them, like, a million times.  It’s gotten to the point that I tell her to say the freakin’ ABCs.  Maybe it will help her finally learn them after all these years.

2.  Parents will do weird things, like tell you to “use your words,” but then get mad if they don’t like the words you used.  Pick a side, parents:  WORDS OR NO WORDS?

1.  The best time to ask your mom if you can have some M&Ms is after you’ve already eaten them.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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