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The Laughing Stork

A mother should always be prepared

Candy's Column

A mother should always be prepared

ME:  Could you please, um, move your car?  Please…?


ME:  [GESTURING]  You’re parked too close.  I can’t open my door.

MAN:  Why don’t you get in the passenger side and crawl the f*ck over?

NOTE TO SELF:  Load up trunk with ammunition — I mean, of course, a pile of ripe, window-ready dirty diapers — as soon as I get home for such situations in the future.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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