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The Bane of a Pregnant Woman’s Existence

Candy's Column

The Bane of a Pregnant Woman’s Existence

Drivers that INSIST on parking so close to our cars, that we can barely squeeze our pregnant bellies through the door without coating ourselves with margarine first.

A dramatic reenactment, not the actual vehicles of the author or offending douchebags who need to go back to Parking College

Seriously.  This happens every single time I go to Starbucks or the grocery store — even if I park in the outermost region of the parking lot, somewhere in the vicinity of Siberia where NOBODY ELSE IS PARKED.  A prankster, bored and crabby from living in a place like Siberia, will inevitably spot my car and cackle, “Ha!  Let’s f*ck with the fat pregnant lady who drove all the way from Los Angeles to the frozen tundra for a big parking spot and overpriced latte!”

But if they want to get THAT close, the least they could do is buy my car a drink.  Geesh.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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