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Not to Give Mr. Candy Any Ideas, But…

In the News

Not to Give Mr. Candy Any Ideas, But…

Mr. Candy prepares to meet Skye's future boyfriends

An angry father is accused of using a stun gun on a 23-year-old man who sent his 17-year-old daughter a cell phone picture of his genitals.

As the mother of a daughter, I am horrified… that the father only stunned the perv.  C’mon!  One can only hope there was also a follow-up plan involving a machete.

William Atwood Sr., 45, was charged with multiple felonies in connection with the case.  I can guarantee that if any member of the jury has a daughter, Mr. Atwood will not only be found not guilty, but will also receive a Parental Medal of Awesomeness.

Here’s how it reportedly went down:

Authorities say Atwood lured Justin Moore to his home, ordered him to strip down to his boxer shorts, and tied him up and tased him with a stun gun before turning him over to a sheriff’s deputy.  Moore told authorities he sent a photo of his genitals to several friends, including Atwood’s daughter, as a joke.  Atwood apparently didn’t think the joke was funny when his daughter told him about the picture in January.

According to court records, Atwood called the Sheriff’s Department saying that Moore sent pornography to a child.  Before detectives could investigate the claim, Atwood told deputies that Moore came to his home uninvited.  He admitted telling Moore to take off his clothes and says he bound his wrists and ankles with zip ties.  Deputies found Moore at Atwood’s home naked, tied up and extremely frightened.

Moore tells a different story.  (Of course.)  He says that Atwood called him and asked him to come over to discuss the photo. When he arrived, Atwood was holding a shotgun, Moore told officials.

He says Atwood ordered him out of his car and fired a shot. Atwood pulled him off the ground by his feet, injuring his shoulder, according to Moore.  Atwood told Moore he had connections with the Pechanga tribe (Ed. note:  I LOVE THIS) and was going to have him buried on the reservation, court records say.  Moore said he believed that Atwood was going to kill him.  A short time later, Atwood pulled out a handgun and a stun gun.  He shocked Moore on the shoulder for about 20 seconds and asked him how he liked it, court records say.  Moore said he was detained for about an hour before Atwood called the Sheriff’s Department.

I know, I know, I’m thinking the same things:  1)  Moore is obviously a very smart dude, voluntarily going over to the dad’s house to “discuss” the photo of his naked frank-and-beans he sent to the dad’s TEENAGE DAUGHTER; and 2)  Bruce Willis is totally going to play Atwood in the Lifetime Movie of the Week inspired by this story.

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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