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Only a Matter of Time Till He’s Demanding Beer Too

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Only a Matter of Time Till He’s Demanding Beer Too

Most two-year-olds entertain themselves in harmless ways, such as sticking the cat’s tail in the electrical socket or dumping pancake mix all over the kitchen.  But not this Indonesian toddler…!  Oh no.  Two-year-old Ardi Rizal gets his kicks by smoking up to 40 CIGARETTES A DAY.

For some crazy reason, people don’t think this is such a grand idea, so country officials have even offered to buy the family a car if he quits.  However, the toddler’s fishmonger father — who offered the kid his first puff at 14 months old — shrugged: “He looks pretty healthy to me.  I don’t see the problem.”

Meanwhile, Ardi’s mother says her son’s habit costs the family about $5.50 a day.   (Cigarettes are obviously much cheaper in Indonesia).  She cried, “He’s totally addicted.  If he doesn’t get cigarettes, he gets angry and screams and batters his head against the wall.  He tells me he feels dizzy and sick.”

So they give him a light!

Yeeeeaaaahhhh.  With parents like that, I can understand why Ardi needs to unwind.  Can’t somebody hand this poor kid a box of pancake mix instead…?

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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