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Prom: A Night to Remember (and Hock Loogies at Police Officers)

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Prom: A Night to Remember (and Hock Loogies at Police Officers)

"This is my f*cking prom."

On my prom night back in the Stone Ages, my worst crime was showing unseemly tan lines in a strapless dress.  Yes!  Unseemly!  This chick to the right, however — SHE sure knows how to make the prom a night to remember.  Or not remember, given her level of intoxication.

Where to even begin?  I’ll allow The Smoking Gun to explain:

Meet Jessica Halter. The Ohio student, 18, was arrested Saturday night at her high school prom after she drunkenly assaulted a policeman, tried to kick a paramedic, and spewed a “bloody ball of spit” at one cop. According to a Lorain Police Department report, an officer working the North Ridgeville High School prom was approached by school administrators who had received several complaints about the “highly intoxicated” Halter. When told of these complaints, Halter replied, “This is my fucking prom, this is bullshit.” Halter, her speech slurred, denied drinking alcohol and cursed out the school’s principal and assistant principal. “You are fucking bitches, this is my prom, I’m not drunk,” said Halter. After refusing to take a Breathalyzer test, Halter attempted to swing a chair at cops, and then began “smacking her forehead into the chair handle causing her nose to bleed.” While being handcuffed, Halter “began kicking, screaming, spitting and thrashing about.” As she was walked out of DeLuca’s catering hall, Halter–screaming obscenities–“let her legs go limp,” so officers had to carry the teen to a patrol car. That is when Halter “cleared her throat and spit a bloody ball of spit” at Officer Kyle Gelenius, whose name tag was ripped from his uniform by Halter during the confrontation. Seated in the back of the cruiser, Halter “continued to spit blood on the windows, the divider, and the roof,” and kicked the vehicle’s window. For her prom night meltdown, Halter was booked into the Lorain County jail (where she posed for the mug shot to the right) and charged with assaulting a cop, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct, and underage drinking.

Huh.  Sounds like somebody was a little irked she wasn’t voted Prom Queen?

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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