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Woman Attacks Husband for Bad Sex

Health & Beauty

Woman Attacks Husband for Bad Sex

When a lover is less than satisfying, most women do the mature thing and simply complain to friends behind their partner’s back the next day.  However, this woman here…?  This woman who NOW appears to have a satisfied look on her face…?  She stabbed her husband with scissors because she was unimpressed with his moves in bed.

Men around the world are all, we do NOT like the precedent this sets.

Michelle Thomas, 26, was arrested after police were called around 1AM to the couple’s house in the Texas town of Hudson.  The man told police his wife became angry with him after a romp in the sack left her unsatisfied — so she proceeded to grab a pair of scissors and begin slashing him.  Yikes.

Don’t mess with a woman’s orgasm, y’all.  She’ll cut you!

Thankfully, he “only” suffered superficial cuts to his chest, thumb and knee.  And in a surprising twist, alcohol was involved.   Which explains a lot… including his, um, less-than-rock-solid performance.

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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