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Finally! New Anti-Toot Blanket Saves Marriages from Irreconcilable Flatulence


Finally! New Anti-Toot Blanket Saves Marriages from Irreconcilable Flatulence

Hey, married couples!  Don’t let flatulence molecules ruin your love life.

Arm yourselves — and your noses — with the Better Marriage Blanket, a fart-absorbing bedspread that ensures what happens under the covers, stays under the covers.  As the ad suggests, the blanket would make a great wedding or anniversary gift.  Because nothing says “I love you” like hinting that your spouse farts too much in bed. 

Best of all, the blanket has activated carbon fabric: “the same type of fabric used by the military to protect against chemical weapons.” 

Just in case you’re tooting mustard gas.

No word on how to CLEAN the blanket once it reaches its maximum level of, um, absorbency. (Gas mask not included.)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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