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The Laughing Stork

The Stinker Update


The Stinker Update

Three weeks into medicating our Mad Pooper, and the only change in behavior we’ve noticed is that he may nap even MORE now.  Yes, he somehow sleeps twenty-six hours a day.  He continues to leave us daily “gifts” in the living room, however, and relentlessly torment his furry sister, Wayne Arnold-style.

Mr. Candy and I wonder if the vet took Matty’s, um, big-bonedness into consideration when deciding how much Kitty Prozac to give him.  We are supposed to rub .05 ml — a little-wittle, teensy-weensy amount, as they say in the animal medical community — of the gel on his ear; I suspect this is akin to expecting John Goodman to get drunk off a Tropical Mango wine cooler.

If only Matty were receiving John Goodman-sized TV residuals.  Then he could poop in my cereal bowl for all I cared.  (Matty, not John Goodman.  Okay… John Goodman, too.)

Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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