Obama Proposes More School, Making Me Glad I’m No Longer in School

To help American children catch up with other students around the world, President Obama wants schools to add time to classes, to stay open late and to let kids in on weekends so they have a safe place to go.

Somewhere, a bunch of kids stopped playing Xbox just long enough to say, “HUH?!”

“Now, I know longer school days and school years are not wildly popular ideas,” the president has said. “Not with Malia and Sasha, not in my family, and probably not in yours.  But the challenges of a new century demand more time in the classroom.”

“Our school calendar is based upon the agrarian economy and not too many of our kids are working the fields today,” Education Secretary Arne Duncan said.

It’s clear what you need to do here, kids:  Hop on a tractor!  Grab a plow!  Whatever it takes to avoid more Geometry class.

I kid, I kid… I actually was one of those kids who went to SUMMER SCHOOL FOR FUN!  Needless to say, I was VERY cool.  *AHEM*

The Associated Press talked to Domonique Toombs, whose school is part of a 3-year-old state initiative to add 300 hours of school time in nearly two dozen schools.   When she learned a few years ago she would stay for an extra three hours each day at Boston’s Clarence R. Edwards Middle School, she was less than pleased.

“I was like, `Wow, are you serious?'” she said. “That’s three more hours I won’t be able to chill with my friends after school.”

Yes, I believe that’s the point, young lady.

However, early results of the initiative are positive. Even reluctant Domonique, who just started ninth grade, feels differently now. “I’ve learned a lot,” she said.

Of course, it’s not like today’s kids need to learn how to write complete sentences, anyway — not when they leave school and send texts and Tweets such as, “WTH?  Ur a Tweetard.  Send me the fab deets l8er, k?  BFN.”