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Breaking: Men Are Pigs!

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Breaking: Men Are Pigs!

Years after we met, I asked Mr. Candy what he first noticed about me.  Most men would be smart enough to lie and say, “your eyes!”  Or, “your personality!”

But not my hubby, no sirree, as he tragically was born without a brain-to-mouth filter:

“Your boobs!”

To Mr. Candy’s benefit, he was perceptive enough to immediately realize that was NOT the right answer.

“Um… your ass?

Try again.

“Your high tolerance…?”

Awwww.  Finally!  A romantic answer.

Well, Mr. Candy is apparently in good company:  According to “new research” from New Zealand’s University of Wellington, almost half –- 47 percent – of men first notice a woman’s chest, while only 20 percent initially look at the face.  Shocking, just SHOCKING, I know!  In fact, they leer stare at da boobs longer than any other body part, the experts discovered.

I know, I know; I’m thinking the same thing… there’s such a thing as a BOOB RESEARCHER?  Not a bad way to make a living.  Not bad at all.

The boob researchers surmise that the reason for this is likely evolutionary, as women with larger chests and slim waists have higher levels of the female hormone estrogen, indicating greater fertility.

Wow.  So 47 percent of men immediately check out a woman’s chest.  And in other news, 53 percent of the men surveyed for this research LIED!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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