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Jon Gosselin: “I Am Not a Lame Fish!”

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Jon Gosselin: “I Am Not a Lame Fish!”

GosselinsIf there’s one thing that’s been missing from my life, it’s more details about the Gosselins’ failed marriage.  So thank GOODNESS I can begin filling that void with Jon Gosselin’s latest shocking — just shocking! — marital revelations in an interview with “Good Morning America.”

After eight kids and 10 years of marriage, Jon says he is done with taking “a lot of abuse” from his soon-to-be ex-wife Kate.

“She’ll call me like, almost like a lame fish.  Like I wasn’t going anywhere,” Jon told GMA’s Chris Cuomo in his first television interview since the divorce papers were filed.

Hmmmm… or maybe that’s not exactly what she meant by a flopping “lame fish.”

Jon, 32, said he was always at home with the kids — one set of twins and one of sextuplets — while his wife was traveling.

“Well, excuse me, I’m taking care of the kids. She’s on book tours, she’s doing all these things. You know, she’s gone a week. You know, comes back. Unpacks, repacks, does laundry, packs up and leaves again,” Jon complained. “I’m standing there like, ‘Oh, okay.  Your mom’s gone again.'”

Thankfully, Jon is now able to begin the healing process… by using the money from those book tours to buy lemon drop shots for the local female co-eds.  You go, Jon!

Because sharing is caring, as I tell my kids. (Except my wine. Never my wine.)
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Candy Kirby is the founder of The Laughing Stork and a professional fun-maker who will never stop chasing her lifelong dream: to find the Pomeranian or porn star after whom her parents must have named her. A humor columnist for Disney, Nickelodeon, Scary Mommy, Reductress and Redbook, she also used to be a staff writer for the soap opera, The Bold and the Beautiful, where she penned many scripts featuring prolonged heated stares and countless “Who’s the Daddy?” story lines. Candy lives in Los Angeles with her husband, two young kids and three rescue Persian cats, the latter of whom are the real brains behind this operation (so send all complaints to them).

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